Will I ever get over her affair?

Just over a year ago, I thought I had the best marriage the planet had ever seen. All my friends thought so too. Suddenly, after 9 years of marriage and 16 years together, I accidentally discovered that she was having an affair with an ex-boyfriend. She still maintains that it was just chat on facebook and text and the phone, but she was telling him she loves him and they talked about sex all the time. I ended up catching her with a spy program on the computer after I found out. Unfortunately, it wasn't the best program for that and there are some areas that are in shades of grey as far as the truth goes. Anyway, I believe it was a full-fledged affair, and you would too if I went into more detail here, but I won't. Here we are a year later. The red-hot rage that I felt for her initially is gone most of the time, but it's still not the same at all. I dwell on the affair constantly unless I completely consume myself with something. That usually involves the computer or a book or something else not involving her. I'm taking anti-depressants and I think that's the only thing that's kept our marriage together. Whenever I think about him (he lives very nearby, our daughters are the same age and will be going to school together next year, and we have many of the same friends) I get so angry I want to hurt him. I probably couldn't anyway, he's bigger than I am. I doubt that leaving her would even help. I obviously love her. The thought of her being single again and dating other people makes me want to vomit. Will I ever get over this?